the first debate

A long time ago I made the decision not to post anything political until October. I feel that constant political humor is too easy, irresponsible, and honestly just overdone. But last night after watching the debate I decided to start a week early. So here it is, my notes from the first debate. Included will be some (fake) quotes, some (biased) opinions, and some (dimwitted) comments. I tried to be as fair as I could to both sided, which didn't turn out well

  • Trump knows what it's like to live in an ugly bubble
  • "I'm not complaining, but I've been audited constantly for the last 15 years. It's awful. Actually, I am complaining, it's mean and I want you guys to stop" -Donald Trump
  • I've never seen a TV show where they said not to release your tax returns during an audit, but that just might be because I watch House and Donald is more of a Suits man
  • Only Hillary Clinton would enjoy looking up the tax returns of the last 30 years of presidential candidates. 
  • Actually yeah Donald, it would help if you shared a list of the nice banks you know. I'm using Wells Fargo right now and well....
  • Thank god this country has good infrastructure
  • Wait, what? We don't? Donald you should have found a better way to phrase that statement, it was very confusing
  • "I want nice airports, but I don't want to pay the taxes so we can build them" -Donald Trump
  • Did he just admit to not paying his taxes?
  • Wow, he did.
  • Are we not going to talk about that?
  • Now we're talking about him not paying for other things. Is this a common theme?
  • "I don't like it, so I won't pay for it" -Donald Trump to the blind man who styles his hair
  • Wrong? What's wrong?
  • You're right Lester, I think it's time to move on (to a different channel)
  • Donald's company may be "unbelievable" but so is my blog
  • "If you don't like laws you should just change them" -Donald Trump
  • Thousands of people love me too Donald
  • Good thing Trump already has a Pennsylvania Ave. backup plan
  • Did Clinton just pitch NBC's upcoming show "Law and Order: Ethnic Victim's Unit" ?
  • I don't know how I feel about that last joke...
  • Clinton wants people to respect the laws. I also heard that Ronald McDonald wants people to eat healthier. 
  • "I love Charlotte, I mean money. I love money" -Donald Trump
  • "I love African Americans, and the police officers that discriminate against them, they love me too" -Donald Trump
  • Maybe Donald has been living in Dubai for the last 8 years and thought it was Denver, it would make sense...
  • "Gangs are roaming the streets like dogs. And they're Mexicans. It's like there are chihuahuas roaming the streets" -Donald Trump
  • "You're wrong, the constitution is wrong, the black people are wrong, I'm awesome" -Donald Trump
  •  "I have property in Chicago, and it's awful there, I hate it" -Donald Trump
  • Welcome to "How many times can the candidates say 'Law and Order' in 2 minutes"
  • Is Hillary being really racist right now? She says she isn't but it kinda sounds like that, plus Donald says that she is... 
  • "You can't just sit there and say Law and Order. Because I started that" -Hillary Clinton #HipsterHillary
  • Actually a private federal prison built by Trump might be a good thing, considering either of these candidates could end up there
  • "I think too many people jump to conclusions, but that's just an opinion I made just now" -Hillary Clinton
  • The candidates are right, mental health is a big concern for this debate
  •  I would like to respond too
  • "I might have a small penis, but I have a lot of endorsements" -Donald Trump
  • "I've heard you say terrible things about minorities" -Donald Trump to Clinton during the debate, and to himself naked in the mirror every night smiling
  • "I actually think we agree about things, like alot of things, maybe I should just drop out of the race" -Donald Trump, in Hillary's dream last night
  • Tonight I learned that 500 is alot, but 1 million is just a small loan
  • "Murders are up" working title of my antigravity detective novel
  • Well I'm just glad they both agree that murders are bad
  • "One murder is too many. But 4 murders, we can just ignore" -Hillary Clinton
  • You're right, the last president didn't do anything for African Americans
  • Wait, how long is 20 seconds?
  • "I've been all over the place, ALL OVER THE PLACE" -Donald Trump
  • "I'm very, very upset" -Americans
  • You're right, how dare Hillary Clinton get ready for this debate!
  • Trump was right, Obama isn't American, he was born in Hawaii
  • Wait, Hawaii is in the US?
  • Oh... nevermind
  • Trump is building up alot of tension
  • "I will make America great again, after we prove Obama is from Kenya" -Donald Trump
  • "Yeah I was wrong, but it doesn't matter because I was wrong about something that no one else even cared about" -Donald Trump
  • "I'm actually the reason that they started making birth certificates, it was my idea and it was huge" -Donald Trump
  • "I'm not going to say anything about what you asked me, but I'll say this instead" -One of the candidates, I forgot which one, probably both
  • "African Americans love me, now... before that they knew I was a racist, but I'm hiding that now" -Donald Trump
  • Clinton is getting better laughs from the audience than Kimmel does...
  • Still not as good as Meyer's though
  • I'm glad the writers of Donald Trump's talking points were inspired by Jake and Amir videos
  • I would actually love to respond too...
  • "You're so lovely" -Donald Trump, while thinking 'BURNNN!!'
  • "Yes I was a racist, but all my daddy's rich asshole friends were racists too, and they all got sued too"- Donald Trump
  • "I don't make negative attack ads, my rich supporters make them for me" -Donald Trump
  • "I opened a club and didn't discriminate against anyone, which made me feel good, and all my bigot friends said they thought it was pretty cool too.
  • Call of Duty: "Cyber Warfare" coming to PS4 and Xbox one November 2018
  • "I am deeply concerned about cyber security, I was personally affected when I was hacked" -Hillary Clinton, while Donald Trump smiles
  • Wow... another person endorses Trump... didn't see that coming
  • That was sarcasm, you guys got that right?
  • Wait, did he just say ISIS endorsed him? I probably misheard that
  • Did he?
  • No no, he said something else, that wasn't a freudian slip
  • "I don't know who hacked the DNC, maybe it was Russia, maybe not. All  I know is Russia is where I sent that check" -Donald Trump
  • C'mon it's 2016, no fat-shaming Donald
  • Wait, I forgot who I was talking to...
  • Donald you can't call someone fat when you're a fucking talking yam
  • Oh, Al Gore didn't make the internet, apparently Donald Trump did
  • "My son is really good with the computer, he mines, he crafts" -Donald Trump
  • "And when I say mine I mean he data mines private DNC communications, and when I say craft I mean he spews up bullshit pro-Trump propaganda on reddit" -Donald Trump
  • Actually Donald, I don't think the answer to defeating ISIS is cyber bullying
  • So Clinton has been fighting ISIS for along time, and apparently that's a bad thing
  • Yeah, most Americans were definitely against leaving Iraq at the time
  • Trump wants us to more like Iran?
  • W couldn't say nuclear, Trump can't say terror
  • "I'm basically the one who inspired the world to fight terror" -Donald Trump
  • If Clinton started ISIS shouldn't she be the one to finish it?
  • "The media lies, for more info check the shows I watch, on Fox News and Howard Stern" -Donald Trump
  • "No one calls Sean Hannity, he gets lonely" -Donald Trump
  • If you agree with Sean Hannity, you're wrong
  • "I understand your side, but I don't get it because I disagree" -Donald Trump
  • "My strongest asset is winning, just ask my friend Charlie Sheen" -Donald Trump
  • There's no question that Donald Trump doesn't have a bad temperament
  • Hillary refused to call him Donald Trump, she just says Donald, it's very friendly
  • Donald Trump won's use nuclear weapons, he'll just subtweet
  • Nukes are more dangerous than global warming, just like how getting shot in the head makes your more dead than being boiled alive
  • "I'm going to make China attack North Korea" -Donald Trump
  • Lester, I want to talk too
  • How dare Clinton want us to look up ways we can help fight against ISIS
  • "Clinton has no basic abilities, unlike me, who only has basic abilities" -Donald Trump
  • "No stamina, she probably couldn't even run a 5k" -Donald Trump
  • This is the first time I've ever seen two rotten sweet potatoes fight on TV before
  • Hillary, I don't know if you can blame Trump for hanging around beauty pageants.
  • Hillary Clinton just described one of the people who will vote in December, who else will vote?
  • "Nobody cares about Rosie O'Donnell" -Donald Trump
  • "I have the self control of an eight year old, make me the president" -Donald Trump
  • I have the self control not to say every mean thing that pops into my head, can I be the president?
  • "If I don't win I'm moving to Canada" -Donald Trump
  • "No thanks" -Canada
  • "Make America Great Again" where have I heard that before
  • Donald Trump is negging the voters hard...
  • "Voters are dumbasses, they probably elected Obama on accident" -Donald Trump trying to make voters like him

Well that's it, that was alot longer than I thought it would be...

See you Oct 10th for more notes, but don't worry we'll have more plenty of other  posts on less political topics coming before that too