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celebrities crying in front of their televisions

You think about people like Matt Damon, you don't really think he's the kind of person who would cry infront of his television sets. I mean, Jason Bourne wouldn'tBut he probably does, after all, celebrities are just like us. Imagine this:

Matt Damon sits in front of his 86 inch flatscreen television watching Marley and Me, the end of the movie rolls around and Owen Wilson has to have his pet put down.

Marley has been in pain for a while, and she can't go on living this way.

Sad music starts to play. Matt looks around the living room to make sure he's alone. He places his microwave lasagna on the coffee table.

Owen Wilson knows that the vet is right, and he hugs Marley one last time, then pets her head as the vet injects the morphine into her thigh.

Matt holds back tears, his lips quiver. "She was a good dog", he says.

Owen takes Marley home and buries her in the back yard, and buries her beneath a tree in his back yard, through heavy tears.

Matt sobs, the end of the movie plays, followed by the credits. Matt looks at the black screen, with tears in his eyes.

It's a strange image, but I promise you, it's all true. It may not be Jason Bourne, but it is that dad from We Bought a Zoo.

 

Let me paint you another picture:

George Clooney sits in his home theater, lounging in a firm leather chair. An old episode of Extreme Home Makerover plays on the television.

George has seen this episode before, but he still can't take his eyes off the screen.

The family stands, staring at the bus, knowing that their lives will never be the same. The mother talks about how much this means to the family.

We see images of the kids smiling with nervous excitement.

The same smile of childish wonder grows on Georges face.

It's time, Ty says "Move that Bus", and George mouths along with him.

The bus moves, and the new family sees their new house for the first time and break down in tears of joy.

Tears roll down George's face, he knows that those kids are going to love that house.

That one's not as sad (and indirectly ripped off of Ocean's Twelve) but it's the same idea. It gets goofy from here:

Ben Affleck is visiting his brother Casey on a Friday night. They finish dinner, have a drink, and sit down infront of the television to watch Dateline NBC.

Lester Holt introduces us to quiet live of a young woman. Her whole life is ahead of her.

Ben and Casey watch intently as the young woman's family and friends talk about how great of a woman she was.

Ben looks at his brother and notices that his eyes are getting watery.

 

(it helps to read this bit with a heavy boston accent. way more fun that way)

"Are you okay bro?" Ben asks

Casey clears his throat, and says "Yeah I'm -- I'm okay". Casey sniffles and wipes his eyes.

"Dude look", Ben says while gesturing at the screen, "She has such a happy life...."

"But, it won't last for long, and you know that"

 

What I'm basically trying to say is that the whole ensemble cast of Ocean's were a bunch of cry babies. I'll leave Pitt and Cheadle out of this (for now) and offer up this final scene instead.

 

It's Tobey Maguire (who we all know can who we all know can shed a tear when he needs toand Andrew Garfield, watching a new Blu-Ray movie they picked up this morning:

Tobey and Andrew are lounging on the couch, the studio logos flash across the screen.

The movie fades in, we see the young actor starring in the film.

Tom Hollands face fills the screen.

Both men immediately shed tears over the superhero franchise they both lost

 

Get it? Any chance to shit on the new Marvel movie. 

 

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