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impessions

This is a post about impressions. 

Not a post containing impressions, there are a lot of jokes that work well in written form, but impressions aren't one of them. 

A blog post with impressions would be like a Fox News show about stopping racism. It's just not the right platform. 

Leave the impressions to great impressionists like Frank Caliendo, Jay Pharoah, Dana Carvey, Jim Carrey (but not those shitty painters). These people can make impressions. You can't.

I don't want to be mean; I'm sure you're a funny person, and you can do a lot of things. But you can't make impressions. I mean this is a shot in the dark, I don't know you, but I can assume that you're bad at impressions because most people are. But for some reason, we all think we're great at them.

Maybe it's because no one knows exactly what we sound like, maybe it's because we all have swollen egos from years of social media abuse and a childhood of recieving participation trophies for not dying on the field during our one game of teeball.

Impressions are great, and everyone enjoys watching people do great impressions, but I swear to god, if I have to hear one more offensive Jerry Seinfeld impersonation while I'm waiting in line at a Taco Bell, I'm going to rupture my eardrums with a cruncy taco shell (seriously, those shells are way too sharp, someone is going to get hurt).

 

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