Follow Me: @TimidDimwit

banks

I'm not going to rob a bank. I feel like I need to say that before you read the rest of this post. Robbing banks is bad. It's morally wrong.

This is America, we're not allowed to rob banks. They're only allowed to rob us.

But if I was going to rob a bank. This is how I would do it... Alot of these steps were inspired by movies or television (like all great ideas are) so I'll try to provide EXACT titles to the movies and shows I'm talking about

It's a long con so strap in (if your seat doesn't have straps, don't worry. It's not actually that exciting, it's a blog afterall)

It starts like this, I get a job at a bank. Infiltrate from the inside, this part was inspired by that one episode of LOST where that one character (I think it was Hurley, yeah that sounds right) gets a job at a bank to help rob it (classic Hurley). Then I'd show up to work everyday, dressed like a dead president, this part was inspired by a Keanu Reeves movie (I think it was Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure). After that I'd start creating fake accounts in customers names with phony addresses, and maybe take out some fraudulent life insurance policies on the customers too, just to get some extra money (this part I actually came up with on my own, no inspiration). Then after I don't know 9 or 10 years of making these fake accounts I'd start a magic show where I trick and audience member into helping me magically teleport the money from the bank to the stage (that's from a Jesse Eisenberg and Woody Harrelson movie, I'm pretty sure it was ZombieLand). And if I can't figure out how to do that whole magic bit then I'll just dress like a nun, and rob the bank (that's from a Ben Affleck movie, called Argo).

So I guess that whole part about making the fake accounts isn't really necessary. In fact the only people who would be hurt by that are innocent customers, who didn't even know that they were being robbed. It could ruin their credit score too. That's just a fucked up thing to do

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