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the second presidental debate

Alright, we all watched that debate last night. And we all thought the same thing. What the hell were they thinking...

Luckily for you, we have an exclusive look at the thoughts that the candidates had during the debate. And I mean exclusive. No one else has these, the actual thoughts that we collected from the candidates during the debate.

So here you go the (un)real thoughts that the candidates (didn't) have live last night during the debates.

Note; these are the (fake) thoughts of the presidential candidates, and do not necessarily represent my thoughts, and are definitely not things I would ever say.

"God I need this, I want to president so bad" - Hillary

"This first question is a great excuse for me to say 'Stronger Together' my quota is 15 times tonight" -Hillary

"I just saw my face on the monitor, are my eyes really that small? Maybe if I suck air into my nose they'll blow up and be yhuge." - Donald

"Shit what was the question? How do I answer that? I'll just say I agree with Hillary and it will make me look smart and mature" - Donald

"I've said the same thing three different ways now, if I just say Make America Great Again the audience will cheer and they'll forget I didn't answer the question, my quota is 500 times tonight" - Donald

"I'll just smear ObamaCare a little bit, then maybe bring up ISIS" - Donald

"Bring back Law and Order to NBC, I mean America" - Donald

"Oh my times up, maybe that's what that timer was for" - Donald

"Shit, that's what the question was..." - Donald

"I can tell she's arguing with something I said, but I already forgot what I was talking about, I'll just reflect by bringing up ISIS again" - Donald

"Why is he doing that with his nose" - All of America

"I've never had to sneeze more in my life, but I don't want to pull a Seth Meyers in the middle of this debate" - Donald

"What the hell are they talking about, no one respects women more than I do, maybe I should say that outloud, it doesn't seem like a stupid line in my head" - Donald

"I actually got a good burn on Trump, hopefully he won't get me back later in the debate" - Hillary

"I'll just walk that insult off and start thinking of a comeback to say later in the debate" - Donald

"I should bring up twitter again, that worked well last time" - Hillary

"I can only think of 6 minority groups, but if I say etcetera no one will notice" - Hillary

"I'll repeat the question back to the asker at the end of my answer so it sounds like I can actually relate to other human" - Hillary

"I want to respond" - Donald

"Just let me talk" - Donald

"That doesn't sound fair at all, this is why they shouldn't let women moderate debate, they only time they should be on TV is during my beauty pageants" - Donald

"I can't throw a tantrum on TV, so I'll just refuse to sit down" - Donald

"Why won't she just drop the locker room talk shit? It's not like I bring up the same three things every time I want to say something bad about her" - Donald

"I can't think of anything to say in response to Hillary, so I'll just talk trash about her husband" - Donald

"Yeah I took that rape thing too far" - Donald

"What the hell is Don talking about right now?" - Hillary

"Should I bring up how I'm friends with Michelle, or will that just make me seem desperate" - Hillary

"Really, they clapped for her and not me, what a bunch of idiots" - Donald

"I'll apologize after you apologize for stealing my poll numbers" - Hillary

"I forgot to say the number one at the beginning of this list, so I'll just move on to number two" - Donald

"Hillary you would know more if you watched more TV. Everyone says TV is good for you. Everyone agrees with me. Everybody" - Donald

"Haven't brought up wikileaks yet, I paid them a lot of money to steal that information" - Donald

"Apologize to those emails you deleted! Wait that makes even less sense than the BS I normally say" - Donald

"Did I just say acid wash, why the fuck did I say that" - Donald

"I didn't want to say this, but I guess I have to" - Donald

"Yeah I shouldn't have said that" - Donald

"Everytime I talk people just get mad" - Donald

"Oops, I haven't brought up my biased fact check website yet" - Hillary

"I JUST THOUGHT OF THE BEST FUCKING BURN" -Donald

"The internet is going to have a field day with that one aren't they...." - Hillary

"I'm so good. I'm really just the best. Everyone thinks so, Everyone" - Donald

"Why is she smiling, I just roasted her... didn't I?" - Donald

" Is 'C' a letter or a word, I'll just say both" - Donald

"Maybe I should alienate my republican supporters in the Congress now" - Donald

"Why aren't they bringing up the emails, this isn't fair, I guess I can subtly bring it up" - Donald

"Why are they laughing, I am a gentleman" - Donald

"How is this child running for president" - Hillary

"I should compliment this idiot and maybe he'll vote for me" - Donald

"I'll just say one thing" - Donald

"Jesus Christ, be less vague you fucking Yam" - Anderson Cooper

"Damn right I'm answering this question first" - Donald

"I'll just blame her problems on her being a muslim" - Donald

"Paris is outside I think" - Donald

"Yeah I won this problem" - Hillary

"Now would be a great time to bring up Khan" - Hillary

"KHANN!!" - Donald

We're taking a break from the candidate's thoughts to say that we can clearly see the timers, which means they can too. Please stop going over your time. You are adults who are trying to convince us to vote for you, not children arguing with you mother. Don't waste our time blowing your hot air. We are making a decision that affects our entire country for the next four year. If you want our vote you can be respectful enough to us and your fellow candidates to follow the rules of the debate.

"Me, make a mistake? No" - Donald

"Are you two capable of answering a simple question?" - Martha Raddatz

"Are you kidding me? You still want to ban muslims?" - Hillary

"I should move so I'm in the frame even when Hillary is talking" - Donald

"I measure time differently, so I can keep talking" - Donald

'"I haven't mentioned my endorsements yet" - Donald

"Can we just move on?" - Hillary

"What? No, I was talking about Abraham Lincoln guys...." - Hillary

"Praise be to Putin" - Donald

"I'll pause for the applause" - Donald

"Where's the applause" - Donald

"I can't tell them that I know it was the russains" - Donald

"I may have overdid the no russain thing" - Donald

"She's a crook, her friends are crooks, they're all crooks" - Donald

"Now I have to look this turnip in the eyes for two minutes" - Spencer Maass

"Does Donald even know how goverments work" - Hillary

"Are they joking, of course I took advantage of tax breaks" - Donald

"So glad I can talk about depreciation. It's great. I love it. It's my favorite" - Donald

"I should bring up ISIS" - Donald

"I'm actually having fun" - Hillary

"400, that's not a very high number" - Donald

"Why are they being so mean to me" - Donald

"Well this just got real" - Hillary

"Should I give the Blue Steel look?" - Donald

"Everyone will laugh at this" - Donald

"oh..." - Donald

"Fine, I'll just play the pronoun game for two minutes" - Donald

"I should bring up how good at making deals I am" - Donald

"Enough cash to fill this room, I know, because I filled a bigger room than this with cash before" - Donald

"I'll talk extra slow for you two..." - Martha Raddatz

"I think I know more than the generals" - Donald

"I like saying 'latino' like that" - Donald

"Throwback to the first question" - Hillary

"I should explain how twitter works and how good at it I am" - Donald

"We need to move on" - Martha Raddatz

"But..." - Donald

"Moving on" - Martha Raddatz

"I have the two minutes she's going to take to answer to come up with a response" - Donald

"The one time she finishes before the two minute timer, what am I going to say" - Donald

"I'm going to be on TV!!" - Ken Bone

"I should just wave my hands infront of Hillary" - Donald

"Wow his hands are small" - Hillary

"I have no idea what I'm saying, but it still sounds better than the BS Don's going to say" - Hillary

"I'm going to talk about jobs for a little bit" - Hillary

"Or a lot" - Hillary

"Something nice, about them" - Both Candidates

"Yeah she can go first" - Trump

"Well he has kids, which is cool I guess" - Hillary

"This is the first time I've been complimented" - Donald

"I am proud of all my children. And Eric" - Donald

"She doesn't quit, no matter how hard I pray"

Hope you enjoyed this exclusive take on the candidate's thought processes last night. I wanted to do something a little different than the first debate, even though that post had alot of positive feedback, so hopefully this post is received just as well. I may post for the third debate and I will try my hardest to be unbiased until November 9th. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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